I’ve decided to try to do 10 straight days of blogging. All based on the book, The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene Brown.
Today is day two.
Cultivating Self-Compassion and letting go of perfectionism.
Before I even turn to enter this small, daunting sounding chapter, I am filled with a sense of “Oh no, here we go.” I’m not real good at self-compassion. I’m super good at beating the crap out of myself. For hours. Why don’t we ever celebrate that “gift?”
Perfectionism is a path that is easy to track. It’s the blue, lit up path on the GPS of our notions of what life should be. No room for variation. No room for reroutes. This is “the way.”
The word “perfect” is in the Bible 43 times. That seemed to revolve around my experience in church.
“You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect…” Matthew 5:48
That verse reverberates around inside my mind quite often. More than I would admit. It was the goal for me. Perfection in every aspect. See, perfectionism is biblical. Or, is it?
We are taught to think of others first. We are taught to be outwardly kind. The Golden Rule. “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Many of us have been able to recite this since we were about 4 or 5 – maybe sooner.
We aren’t taught to love ourselves. But I think that is the foundation of loving others. Down deep, it’s the flat, green Lego piece that we create magnificent things on top of. Without it, our creation teeters and doesn’t hold firm. How do we even know how to love others if we cannot love ourselves? How do we know how to treat others if we don’t know how to treat ourselves?
I can truly go down a spiral of utter disgust with myself. Too bossy. Too quiet. Too judgmental. Eta too much. And then, too hard on myself. On and on it goes, leading me dpwn a path of dysfunction, anger, and ultimately bad decisions. Shaming myself on every single aspect. It happens to me every day.
I wrote myself a letter a few months ago. I sat down and thought about myself as an outsider. If someone I loved had been through and was still going through what I am, I’d be so compassionate. I’d be there every step of the way. I’d be so forgiving and understanding. I wrote to myself.
My letter was full of encouragement and understanding. Patience. Love and kindness. Just what I needed from everyone, but wasn’t giving myself.
I’d like to encourage you to do that today. Sit down, just for a bit – make space for this. Get a sheet of paper, go to the notes on your phone, get a gently used napkin. Think about all the things you have been through – the hard days, the tough things. Your fears. Your "inadequacies." And, with a loving attitude toward someone you love more than anything in the world, write to him or her. Tell them you’re so proud of them. You love them so much. You can see the struggle. Encourage. Lift up. Be so loving. Kind. Gracious. That person deserves your very best.
You are so much better than you think. So much better than you feel. So capable. So strong and brave. You are a beautiful creation, full of wonders. Be so kind to that person.
Self-compassion. Now there’s something the world needs more of.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing my blog. I truly appreciate it.
Brown. B. (2010). "Cultivating Self-Compassion Letting Go of Perfectionism." The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
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