Never Too Late

Things happen in our lives. People disappoint – don’t act the way we think they should. Even we don’t act the way we think we should. Mistakes are made. Patterns are inadvertently established and carried on. People drift together and apart. Break ups. Matches made. New friends, old friends. Cancer. Diseases. Death. Life is a constant tide, ebbing and flowing with things to deal with.

I started my counseling practicum this fall. This was the first time I was “let loose” to counsel individuals on my own “power.” My college professor, Dr. Brown, had told us that every interaction we have changes us forever. Each person. Each slight interaction shifts something inside of us, and we are never the same again. I actually love that thought. I never want to get stale. Complacent. I want to go on growing and shifting and changing.

The last few weeks of counseling my people, I started to notice a change in myself. I realized, as I told someone, “It’s never too late to change,” that I also could continue to shift. We were talking about communication and how important it is. There I was, giving a lesson to myself.  

It was such a revelation, which sounds absurd, but I wanted to share it here, too. It’s never too late to work on yourself. To change some things – for the better. To make your life better. To, if you’re allowed, bring your people closer. To be better to your people, in even small ways. To be more honest in a loving way. To tell people how you really feel in a non-threatening way. To forgive. To move forward in a way you may have never moved before. To be free.

I had written something once, years ago, and I’ll share it now.

The saying, “Drawing lines in the sand” is about not putting up with something.  It’s a reason to not go past it. 

Feuds can be like drawing lines in the sand with reasons that were either good reasons years ago or were stretched to fit the narrative that was being presented. The narrative that keeps them on the “right side of the line.” Everyone else is on the wrong side.

Standing toe to toe with that line, fuming and staring down the other person. Eyes red.  Foaming at the mouth, spewing runny snot. 

Furious.

Screaming, “How Dare You!”

The lines are made in the sand, right next to the ocean.  They were never going to last.

The lines have washed away. The reasons are no longer valid.

But you’re too upset to look down and see. So you have to continue to make reasons, draw lines. What for? To be right?  

I think people lose sight of their reasons and keep staring at the hatred instead. They’re yelling and spitting and fuming at their own hatred. 

They don’t see the reasons are all gone.

As we near this Christmas season, I cannot help but think about the fact that this is the first Christmas I’ve ever had without my dad. So many people are without their loved ones this year, and for that, I am truly sorry. No matter how long it’s been. There’s no time limit on grief. Loss. I am sorry for your loss.

There’s also no time limit on change. It’s never too late. It’s never too late to change things for the better. It’s never too late to stop putting up with something you’ve been putting up with. It’s never too late to let your guard down, let your pride down, and come together.

I’m not saying some lines don’t need to be drawn, unfortunately. Some must be drawn for safety, plain and simple. And I have no idea what that looks like for you. That’s completely up to you.

Life is messy. It hurts. It’s scary. Uncomfortable. But it’s never too late to change. To grow. To gain wisdom. To show mercy and grace. To love each other.

This season is a stressful and joyous one, creating a difficult paradox to navigate at times.  I am wishing me, my family, and all of you more peace in your hearts.