Guidepost 9 – Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To.”
At first glance, this chapter gave me some various emotions. The thought of having meaningful work. That thought tugs at me.
I didn’t set out, knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. I think it’s incredibly unfair that kids have to choose. And by kids, I mean anyone under the age of 30. Y’all know I’m right.
I get asked, sometimes, why I’m a teacher. Let me give it to you straight. I SO didn’t set out to be a teacher. I wasn’t the “teacher’s pet.” I didn’t have all the right answers. And, it was actually pretty difficult to teach me. Sure, I would stay quiet in your room, but I wasn’t listening unless you were pretty darn good at your job and keeping attention. If you “Professor Binns-ed” up there, forget it, I’m out.
I went to the college closest to home. I majored in something that sounded fun. I thought I might want to coach, but I didn’t know. Besides, athletics was still clinging onto my shirt tail. I didn’t change my major because that cost more money. So I got certified to teach thinking, “Well, I get summers off.”
My first job was a lot like that. 10 years of play. Sure, it was a struggle. It was hard work, but it was an assembly line of kids coming all day. 45 minutes in, line ‘em up, next group. I did that for 10 years. I do need to say I sure learned some lessons. I learned how to speak to children. And, I learned how to give very good instructions. (It shocks me how people have no idea how to do that.)
Case in point:
When I got my first “job,” I got hired to teach Kindergarten through 2nd grade P.E. How hard could it be? I got my first class of Kindergarten kiddos in my gym. There was about 40 of them. Did you hear that??? 40!!! No one else in there but me… I had no idea to be scared. I thought – we will have a relay race. I had hailed that idea from my youth. I had them all get in lines – had to actually move some of them a little. I told them, “Okay, y’all. We are going to do a relay race. The first person will run down, touch the wall, and then give the first person in line, 5, and then the next one will go, okay?” They all smiled expectantly and nodded their heads. Feeling pretty good about myself, I smartly stepped out of the way and shouted, “Go!” Every single child barreled forward. All 40 kids were off, zooming across that gym as fast as they possibly could – ran to the far wall and ran right back, colliding into a mass of snotty glee. They all turned and smiled at me, so very pleased with themselves. And I knew, right then, I needed to get better at instructions.
Nothing can humble you like a room full of 5-year-olds.
I eventually went to teach in a classroom. I’ve done social studies and English for the past 10 years to junior high and high school kids. I found more meaning and connection in that work, which is important to me.
But, over the past 22 years, teaching has really changed. Sure, you can still make connections and find meaning, but it’s getting more and more difficult to do. Less people are wanting to really bust their tails. More are wanting trophies for showing up. And, “the system” lets them do it. I have been told to not let kids get under a 50, no matter what happens. To me, that is shocking.
We pass kids along no matter the effort. No matter if they treat the teacher like she’s an idiot or not. I lost my meaning in teaching. I want to connect with kids. But, I also want to TEACH them. Turns out, I really love teaching. I just rarely get to do it.
To have meaning in what I do. To pursue meaningful work. What a gift. One thing Brene says about work, is that you can have slashes.
“Hello, I’m Casey.”
“Hi, Casey, what do you do?”
We get asked this question all the time. It’s tied to our meaning. Well, here’s my slash:
I am a writer/teacher/life coach/counselor/artist/blogger.
That’s what I am. Nothing less than that.
This blog gives me so much meaning. But, only if I write from my heart, and not to an audience who wants a certain flavor to feel safe. I want to challenge you. I want to make you squirm in your seat. I don’t want you to automatically think how messed up I am. Aren’t we all?
Brene calls our self-defeating thoughts gremlins. I don’t think of mine as gremlins, but they shout at me, nonetheless. I call it the devil. He whispers in my ear that I’m not enough, that I won’t ever succeed, that I will be alone and miserable forever. Sometimes I listen to him. It’s hard not to. But it does squash my pursuit of a meaningful path.
I suffer from a lot of self-doubt and “supposed to” thinking.
“You’ll never be a real writer.”
“Teaching is what you’re supposed to do.”
“What if you’re not a good counselor.”
“You can’t change careers! You’re too old! What if your cancer comes back?”
On and on the thoughts go.
But I ask this question – Who does the meaning have to affect the most? And I know the answer – me. It needs to be meaningful to me. It doesn’t have to be my straight up, all-time career. But I have to have meaningful work in my life.
It’s so nice to hear the concept of “living the slash.” I have been doing that my whole life. Many hats, as they say.
I hope, today, you can turn and cultivate something meaningful. It doesn’t have to be your “job.” You can live a slash. You can have as many as you want. Let go of that self-doubt. Let go of “supposed to.” Man, I hate that term. “Supposed to” can just go to…Well, never mind.
Thank you so much for reading. Tomorrow is my last blog in this series. I appreciate you for sticking with me. It means so much to be read. See you tomorrow!
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing. “Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and “Supposed To.”
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