Guidepost 10 – Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance, Letting Go of Being Cool and “Always in Control”
Last one! Thank you for hanging in with me. Thank you for going back and reading them! Thank you. It means so much to be to be read.
When I look at the title of this guidepost, I take a sigh of relief. That’s my personal reaction – I know it probably gives some of you hives. Some of these guideposts have been very difficult for me to get through. For me to send out. For me to feel. But, I’m thankful for this little project. The Gifts of Imperfection is a book I need to read like they paint the Golden Gate Bridge – once they get done at one side, time to start at the other. The reason is, it’s all about living a Wholehearted life. And, I can’t think of anything better than that.
There’s actually a little quiz on Brene’s site where you can see where you rank on these guideposts. I love little personality tests. Here it is, in case you’d like to take the quiz: https://brenebrown.com/wholeheartedinventory/
All right, let’s get to it.
Laughter
I’ve loved laughing for as long as I can remember. I mean, who doesn’t? True, from the heart laughter. What a gift it is. Especially when you’re laughing at something that is genuinely funny, and not crude or inappropriate. That doesn’t hold the same heart joy as ones that are clean funny.
When I was reading this section, I started to think about that very first bit of laughter after a hard time. It’s like a release of some horrible being that had been caught up inside of you, holding onto your heart for dear life. After a loss, or diagnosis, or terrible time, that very first bit of hard laughter. You know what I’m talking about? That laughter is so special. It’s a gift. A release. And a glance of hope.
Such an important thing. Such breakthrough moments. Such connective tissue in our lives.
Song
When I was very little, I used to sit in the back of our van, bouncing up and down, with my ears covered because the songs were so loud they hurt my ear. My parents called it “dope smoking” music. And, so did I. We still do, though, not one of us has ever smoked dope.
I was raised on The Who, Fleetwood Mac, The Eagles, The Doobies, on and on. Cranked up as loud as it would go. My mom literally busted every set of speakers in everyone’s cars.
Music is an integral part of my life. Not only for my enjoyment, but for the emotion it evokes. I didn’t listen to lyrics when I was younger. It was about the specific sound. I love the sound now, but the words matter greatly to me now.
It never ceases to stun me when I find a song with words that I can speak right from my heart. How does that happen? Someone out there knows exactly how I feel. That’s how it happens. That is a miraculous gift. I love hearing my experiences in a song. Though, it can be heartbreaking too. But I love finding that perfect song for exactly how I feel.
Dance
My kitchen used to be the dance-center of the family. No matter what was going on, dance was always allowed. I’ve been a dancer for as long as I can remember – since early single digits. And, I still dance quite a bit. Especially in my kitchen.
I had already written this and then I read – “I measure the spiritual health of our family by how much dancing is happening in our kitchen.” Man. Well said, Brene. I happen to have the same measuring tool.
Brene talked about this being one of our natural desires – to move to rhythm. I couldn’t agree more. I think we spiral ourselves out of dancing and singing (see my blog on creativity) as we spiral into conformity. And the concept of coolness.
Being Cool and “Always in Control”
I can’t think of anything worse. It even makes me make a face.
It took me a number of years to realize that being cool didn’t exist. We start saying things like that when we hit around junior high – probably before. “Dude, that’s not cool. Be cool.” We follow that spiraling path onto the conformity highway as to not get laughed out, ridiculed, or stand out. The “cool kids” – man, everyone looks up to them. Why? They’re actually not having as much fun as the dorks.
There’s a lot of embarrassment that sits beside laughter, song, and dance. Especially for the “cool,” in control of themselves folks.
My dad is SO silly. He’s always been silly. And, that trait has always been one of my favorite traits about him. I’ve always appreciated anyone who can be a total weirdo and own it.
I’ve got a massive silly streak that is show every single day. Many times, my dog is the only one to see it – but it’s there. I honestly should show it more often. It makes me feel alive.
In this section, Brene told a beautiful story about her daughter dancing in a store. She let it happen and actually joined her. What a blessing that must have been.
Being cool is confinement. Being in control is a cell we keep ourselves in so often.
I hope you can let go of your coolness a little bit more each and every day. And, really let it go, not let it go in a cool, in control way. What’s the worst that could happen? People will think you’re weird. But, the weirdos like me, we will actually say to ourselves, “huh, I like her…”
I have enjoyed this rich book so much. It has been thought-provoking. It’s been uncomfortable. It’s made me smile, cringe, almost cry. But, most importantly, it’s inspired me to really take a look at my life and lean into a more wholehearted journey. I crave living wholeheartedly. I long for it. And, I deeply long to be around people trying to do the same.
I hope this has helped you lean into wholehearted living a bit. I hope you’ve taken some difficult bricks down, and built up with some better ones. Let’s support each other in living authentic, wholehearted lives. In messing up, and getting back up and trying again. In being vulnerable. Being real. And, most of all, creating safe places for others to do the same.
Much love, to all my readers. Thank you so much.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing.
Thank you, Brene. For stretching yourself. For stretching us all. And for letting us know that imperfection is actually a gift.
Comentarios