Today is my 47th birthday. I proudly state how old I am. I had shots at oncology yesterday. It’s been a year and a half since my cancer has showed its ugly face. I am, however, under constant watch and treatment. Every birthday I have had since I was 42 has been a little miracle to me. There was a time when I didn’t think I’d make it this long. I do realize, quite heavily at times, I’m not guaranteed another. And, yes, I realize none of us are. But when you live with cancer in your back pocket, death whispers to you often – sometimes screams.
I’ve been able to visit with a few women lately who have been newly diagnosed. And to them, I want to say I am so sorry for your entrance into this jacked up club we live in. When Shannen Doherty died a week ago, it, yet again, hit me in the hope. As a card-carrying member of this “club,” we want to see others live. Never did I think I’d be a hope to others. We simply must live to give others hope. You ladies give me hope, too.
So how do you move forward when cancer moves with you? You just do. Because you don’t really have a choice. At times, you want to scream. At times, you’re at perfect peace with it. I think it’s a constantly changing state. One that we must travel whether we like it or not.
Breast cancer is a part of my journey. But there are so many other parts. My surgeon told me, and I’ll never forget it – You do not have to be a breast cancer spokesperson. You don’t have to love pink. It does not have to define you. I appreciated that so much.
I have done so much since my diagnosis. And, in many ways, my diagnosis gave me the bravery to do things I might not have done before. Gave me the permission to lean fully into who I truly am. Not wasting a single moment. That does not mean I live an Instagram life. My life isn’t filled with travel, perfect shots of the sunset and my “good side.” No, that’s not life for me. And that life is unattainable for me. My life is filled with small things that bring me joy. My dog. A freshly mowed yard. A perfect espresso shot. A home-cooked meal. A hard laugh. A song that hits me in the feels. Dear friends who you can talk deeply with. So many things. Those are my adventures. And that is the mindset I try to keep close to me. Do I always succeed? Nope. But, today, it’s a good lesson for me to remember.
Happy July 20th to you all. I hope on this day, you can find small adventures that bring you just a touch of peace. Peace is what I crave the most. Peace is what I wish for you the most.
Thank you all for your support of me and what I do.
My love to you all.
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