Day 4 – Cultivating Gratitude and Joy and Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark
Let me start off by saying how good this book smells. I bury my nose in every book I get. This one, for some reason, has one of the best smells. Maybe it smells like potential. Life a life-changing possibility. If you get it, be sure to snuggle your nose inside those pages.
This chapter starts out talking about the differences in happiness and joy. It’s interesting that they’re not the same. That they’re also fleeting – they come and go.
I remember chasing happiness for as long as I can remember. Like it was the only goal worth attaining. And, it would somehow be easy to get. Even now, I think it’s chased. Stickers and T-shirts and magnets tell us, every day, to wake up and be happy. “Choose happy!”
That’s all fine and dandy, but I don’t work that way. I don’t know how to choose happy.
That line of thinking set me up for failure long ago.
And frankly, the lack of depth in those stickers and things makes me want to burn them…
The word “happy” has been thrust upon me since I was little. And, oddly, I’ve never truly understood what it meant. Therefore, it was a goal that I never could reach. It ended up being a puppet show I put on to help everyone else think I was happy. I still, for the life of me, don’t truly know what it means.
Brene speaks about gratitude and joy. Gratitude is a practice. Something we consciously do each day. A state of mind. A purposeful endeavor. Joy is “tethered” to our soul by gratitude. Now, chew on that a while. It blew my mind when I was driving and listening to her podcast, “Unlocking Us,” one day. She said something along the lines of joy doesn’t bring gratitude. Gratitude brings joy. As in, the more grateful we are, the more joy is the result of that.
Fear of the Dark
This got all up in my business, I have to admit. There have been times in my life when I have steeled myself so hardcore, waiting for the next hard thing, that I didn’t allow myself to relax. I had my shoulders tightened up as tight as I could wind them – waiting for the next blow. One after the other after the other.
I had had several horrible blows in a row, and they didn’t seem to stop. So, I decided I’d just wait for the next one. I would sit, head slightly bent down, waiting, as if a linebacker, waiting for the big hit. It was a horrible way to live. Sometimes, I don’t even know how I got through it. But I get what she says here – Not experiencing a moment of joy, because all you can fear is the next wave of darkness.
This fear can engulf every part of my mind and heart. The thing is, it’s not stopping the next bad thing from happening. It’s actually stopping the next good thing from being felt. It’s ruining my beautiful moments. It’s keeping the joy from filling in the cracks in my heart.
Scarcity
When I hear the word scarcity, I think of economics. I despise economics. My brain doesn’t go there. I can explain the Russian Revolution and its effects, but I cannot do that economic talk. It’s a deal breaker if I have to teach it. I won’t ever teach it again.
But, when I think of scarcity, I think of something there’s not enough of. We are a nation prone to want more, and we want it right now. The newest phone. The newest game. House. Car. Clothes. Lover. Adventure. Youth. Beauty. On and on it goes.
We are in constant want of more. But that’s the antithesis of gratitude. By looking around and being grateful for what I have, I can see that I have just enough.
And, for me, I’ve had to stop chasing adventures. I’ve had to find it in each and every one of my days. I used to think that life was about those adventures. That that was what made the happiness and joy. That the ordinary, boring days, weren’t worth it, somehow. What if your life is made up of a whole strand of ordinary days? Oh, wait. It is made up of that! That’s where the joy actually lies. In those ordinary days. In the candy-making, laugh until you wet your pants, Saturday where nothing “special” happens – yet your heart fills with peace and joy to the very brim. That’s joy, y’all.
My life has been difficult. There are things that have caused me much pain. But, I also have so much to be grateful for. When I truly sit down and think about that, I am blown away. Practicing gratitude, and fighting off my fear of the dark, and my need for more, is an everyday battle.
It’s interesting that fear and the feeling of scarcity is the opposite of gratitude and joy.
It’s a bit easier for me to appreciate what I have. To be grateful for all my things. That part, I don’t struggle with as much. Still struggle, but not as much.
But, I do struggle greatly with fear. The “next thing.” Will Lily really be all right if I don’t stand beside her and protect her? Am I doing enough? What’s next? Am I failing at this or that? Will I be alone one day? Will I live my life and never matter? Will he ever grow up and know that I actually do love him very much? Does everyone hate me? When is my cancer coming back? These are all things I fight almost every day.
What are you grateful for today? What do you fear today? Take a look at it. Put gratefulness into practice. Look at your fears. Look at your scarcity. Label them for what they are.
Let’s take this day and live a bit more mindful of these things.
Walking each step, purposefully.
Together.
Thank you so much for reading my blog. I know it’s been a lot. I’ve made a commitment to do 10 days in a row. I hope that it helps, and it matters to just one. If it matters to one, then it matters. I knew I’d have to work through this book, and write it all down as I did. I decided to do it and send it off to anyone who needed it. It’s not a call for help. It’s not about – “Oh poor, messed up, Casey.” This is about being real and vulnerable in the hopes that y’all might let your guards down a bit more, and do the same for someone else. It is hard for me to send my vulnerability out there. It takes a great deal of courage on my part. I do it with the soul purpose of it helping someone else open up a bit more and get real.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing. “Cultivating a Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness.”
Brown. B. (2020). “Unlocking Us.” The Summer Sister Series on The Gifts of Imperfection.
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