Ah, crap.
The last two blogs were kind of fun, not very challenging. I have no problem playing. I have no problem being creative. Now, this one gets on my toes again. Darn you, Brene!
Guidepost 8 – Cultivating Calm and Stillness, Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
Just looking at the title gives me anxiety. And the irony is not lost on me.
I’m going to start at the end of this chapter. She says, every time, “How do you dig deep?” I wish she’d mind her own business.
Anxiety is something I’ve dealt heavily with over the last four years or so. It’s like something flipped inside of me, and now I can really get myself going. And then, I actually spend time being angry and upset at myself or being anxious.
“Casey, you used to be so okay.”
“You used to be so put together.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Get a grip!”
So, there’s that part, too. And that gives me more anxiety. Yes, as they say, vicious cycle.
So, how do I fix this? How do I calm my heart? My mind? My soul.
Calm
I really don’t have a lot of trouble being calm. In the face of a crisis or huge problem, I can generally stay very even. Probably even to a creepy level. If someone has caused me some pain or irritation, I usually just look at them for a while, thinking. I don’t generally yell and scream. From time to time, I have been known to yell, but it’s very rare, and my coke bottle has to really be shaken up before that happens.
But inside, I’m not always calm. I can have a full blown, violent meltdown inside. I hate that.
Mindfulness was first spoken to me by a man I used to camp beside at Dinosaur Valley State Park. I was an absolute wreck when I pulled my camper up to that spot. Here trotted over this middle-aged man, with tattoos and a long beard. I thought, “Oh, please leave me alone…” He came up and said, “I’m going to have coffee with you every morning.” Oh mercy. Why.
But we struck up a friendship. Here was someone who had no idea who I was. And, eventually, I started talking to him. He was just what I needed, right when I needed it. No accident. And then, one day, he brought up the concept of mindfulness. I had never heard of it before.
He explained it like – Being fully in this moment. Not in the past pain, not in the future fear, but being present, right here, right now. Easier said than done. Sometimes it takes an immense effort. Sometimes I fail miserably. But I’m working on it. Every day.
Stillness
Brene says stillness is about opening up a clutter-free space. Inside. It’s sure easy to do that in my house. But, inside me? Clutter-free? Um…. I’ve been cluttered for as long as I can remember. My brain is a swirl of emotions, deep thoughts, all woven together like Christmas lights that have been in a box all year. (How do they get so freaking tangled??)
I think about the many scriptures in the Bible that say, “Be still and know.” Be still.
In Exodus, when the Israelites were about to cross the Red Sea, they didn’t know that’s what was about to happen. All they saw was Pharoah, closing in with his men. Their choices, death by sword, or death by drowning. That’s all there was in front of them. They were terrified. And, I think rightly so. They didn’t think there was another way.
Moses said to them, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”
What did he say??? Be still?? Did y’all hear him? Funny, I thought he said ‘be still!”
How many times do we see Pharoah or drowning, and no other way? How many times do we sit there and panic? What would panic have done for the Israelites? I think I know – they would have died. They would have rushed right into one of the two scenarios in their panicked minds. Never would they have thought that the sea was about to BUST OPEN in front of them…
I wonder how many times my lack of stillness, my panic, doesn’t let the sea open for me. Or, I’m so busy looking Pharoah and drowning in the face, I don’t see the opened path God has made for me.
Today, I hope you can take some time to find calm and stillness. I understand anxiety, trust me. I understand panic. I understand the fear of drowning.
Let’s work so hard today to live in this moment. And, if you’re like me, don’t beat the crap out of yourself if you fail a bit. Just start again, over and over and over.
As we work through all these guideposts, the journey to living Wholehearted lives, let’s be there for each other. Life is hard. Messy. Ugly. We need safe places to be able to be real and authentic. We need to be able to say – Man, I’m struggling today.
My heart is filled with love for y’all. May your day today be filled with peace.
Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Hazelden Publishing. “Cultivating Calm and Stillness, Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle.”
Exodus 14:1-14
Comments